Friday, November 23, 2007
TMI Friday
I'm pretty sure all 11 pounds I have lost came from my boobs.

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posted by Angie @ 7:27 PM   3 comments
Saturday, November 17, 2007
11.4
That's how much of The FAT which has left my body! I FINALLY hit that 10lb mark! Woo hoo! Brianna has now lost 12.6lbs so we are neck and neck.

I'll keep you posted on the progress, as usual.


The concert (Trans-Siberian Orchestra) was really good last night. Very entertaining. From the cheesy rock, to making sure my kids weren't kicking the back of the seats in front of them, to being frickin' BLINDED by the lights used in the show...well, I actually had a great time. The kids enjoyed it even though it went on for hours and hours.

I believe our seats were the only ones in exact direct line of fire for the beams of light to be right in our eyes. I swear NO ONE else behind us or in front of us had any trouble keeping their eyes open at all. Of course, MY problem could have been the fact that I got to laughing so hard that I was almost literally crying. Not just tears from laughing, but actually crying. Have you ever done that? So then my eyes were watery and sensitive. What was I laughing at? Well, I can't even describe it, and if I could, you wouldn't think it was funny at all. All I will say that at one point early in the show, I saw something, immediately looked over at Bubba who was having the same thought and I busted out laughing and couldn't stop for a good full 5 minutes. It was so bad, Jameson kept saying, "Mommy! What's wrong?!" Thank goodness the music was LOUD during that 5 minutes, otherwise, I probably would have been kicked out. Or had a beer poured over my head.
Need to crop out the head.

Which reminds me...I can not believe the number of times some people got up and went out during the show. The same people. Over and over. And over. Most of the time it was to get yet ANOTHER beer. Seriously, people, can you NOT watch a show without getting sloshed? It was so very annoying. Luckily, there was no one in my row who wanted out during the show, but had there been, I might have tripped them.

Before the show, the scoreboard hanging from the ceiling was advertising upcoming events at the venue. Braelyn can now read so she was announcing things like Sesame Street Live and such. After the show, we were in the hallway waiting for the crowd to disperse and Bubba was saying how he wouldn't mind seeing TSO again. Braelyn chimes in and says, "I want to see "Gun and Knife." Yeah, there's a gun and knife show coming and she thought it was some kind of music show or something. Not real sure if I should be disturbed that she wants to see a band called, "Gun & Knife."

Today, I experienced parenting HELL, but I'll tell y'all about that tomorrow. For now, I have to get this posted before the stroke of midnight or my blog will turn into a pumpkin.

Night all!

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posted by Angie @ 11:38 PM   8 comments
Sunday, November 11, 2007
I heart food.
I know, that is no surprise. But it's true. I do love me some food. BAD food. I would like nothing more, right now, than to sit down with 3 or 4 different junk foods and just eat my way into oblivion.

Things have changed, though, since I began working on lifestyle improvements back in October. Ha ha. That means, I'm on a diet. And it is working. Slowly. Mainly because my obsession with all things food has not gone away. I STILL obsess about what I will eat next, it's just that what I'm going to eat next is healthy and possibly full of fiber and little fat.

Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the Weight Watchers plan, it involves a system of points. Depending on your weight, age, sex and level of activity,(as opposed to level of sexual activity) you get a certain amount of points daily. Each food that you eat will cost you points. There is a points calculator slide thingie that you get when you join and points are calculated using fiber grams, fat grams and calories. Also, each "natural" food such as veggies and fruits and proteins are listed in a food guide. Anyway, this system works best for me because if I really want something fattening, I can count the points and move on. Craving fulfilled. It makes me think twice about wasting lots of points on something like a small doughnut.

Now, I am always on a quest to find something that is low in points but which tastes good. My daughter and I found just that in Mrs. Freshley's Snack Away cakes. I mean they are teh yum! They are high fiber and less sugar and 2 or 3 points per. I am perfectly willing to save 2 points for the end of the day to enjoy one of these luscious cakes. And when I say enjoy, I mean, ENJOY. I "mmmmm" my way through them every time.
These are way good and taste pretty close to Hostess Cupcakes.


Brianna likes these better than a "real" twinkie. They ARE pretty dang good, though if you don't eat them quickly, they tend to start molding. How THAT happened is beyond me.
Imagine my disappointment the day I grabbed one and opened it and there was a big green mold spot growing on it! It was very hard to throw that scrumptious cake in the trash can.

The drawback of the Mrs. Freshley's is the cost. They are a tad pricey for our budget. Cut to last week when Brianna went to the store to pick up a few things. She came home excited because she found these...
They are half the cost and as Brianna pointed out, there are more in a box than the others.

A little later, Brianna came in and said, "Mom, look." She was holding one of the Little Debbie Triple Fudge Brownies in her hand. I immediately busted out laughing! No wonder there are more in one box. They are teeny tiny! Well, I call this teeny tiny.



See, my problem is, my brain needs to think it is getting a LOT of food. So, I am much better off eating a cupcake as opposed to the teeny tiny triple fudge for the same points amount. I have to fool my brain so I don't want more, more, more.

Now, for those of you who feel my pain and relate to my plight, I've added a donate button in the side bar to fund my Mrs. Freshley's habit. Please send $$!

ha ha. Just kidding.

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posted by Angie @ 6:05 PM   2 comments
Saturday, November 10, 2007
More of me gone
I have to brag because it feels like it is taking for freaking ever to lose. I know, I've only been working on it for 4 weeks, but dang it, I want this FAT to fall off me quickly!!

Anyway, on to the bragging. Remember when I was all, "I have no appetite...bad for weight loss..blah blah blah?" Well, I guess it worked for me this week because I am now down another 2 lbs!

8.6 total. I can handle 8lbs every 4 weeks, though I'd rather it be 10 or 12. A girl can dream, can't she?

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posted by Angie @ 10:23 AM   3 comments
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Appetite for destruction
I have had no appetite for 2 days now. That does not happen to me. Ever. I can't figure it out.

I guess it can be good and bad. Good because I am not eating everything in sight. Bad because not eating enough calories is not conducive to losing weight.

Frustrating.

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posted by Angie @ 11:44 PM   3 comments
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Slow and steady?
By the way, I lost what I had gained last week...plus .8lbs. Why does it have to be so slooooooow? I know, I know, it's healthier this way. I still want it to be faster. I just want to hit 10 lbs.

Speaking of 10 lbs, Brianna has lost 10.8!

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posted by Angie @ 7:51 AM   2 comments
Sunday, October 28, 2007
It's Sunday and I need a new post. This is what you get.
  • My husband bought me some breakfast lean pockets this morning. They are yummy and it is a change from my usual yogurt, banana, english muffin breakfast. They are only 3 points. Kind of small and I could really eat all four in the box which would only be 12 points. That's not TOO bad considering how many points I get per day. Anyway...they are really good.
  • Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry's building lost water pressure in their showers? So then, Jerry and Kramer's hair looked bad because of it. Yeah, that's us right now. We've lost water pressure in the shower and I hate it! We've got to find the problem and fix it. SO not fulfilling. As showers go, anyway.
  • The Colts play today. Yay! Go Colts! I think I might manage to stay awake for the 1pm game as opposed to the night game they played the other day which I slept all the way through. I am so old.
  • I need to go take some meds for this headache. I had one last night, too. Ugh.
  • I'm watching "WarGames." I heart nostalgia.
Ok..so I took a little break. A few hours or so. :) Since I was here last, the Colts won! Yee ha! I loves my Colts! I find Peyton a little more HAWT every time I watch a game. But then again, who DON'T I find hot?

I figured out our new scanner today so I scanned some old photos and flickr'd 'em. Click the flickr button over there on the side bar if you wanna see.

I FEEL thinner. Like I've lost some inches. I HOPE I have. I really need to start my workouts, though, to get my metabolism going. It's the only way I will be successful at any kind of weight loss. Speaking of which, Brianna has lost 5.8 lbs now. She rocks!

I'll be on vacation starting next Friday after work. Don't go congratulating me or anything. Bubba will be out of town. Who is going to cook?!?! Who will do the laundry?!?! Who will do all those wifely-ish things?? Some vacation. Heh, that's what my Charlotte's web would say instead of "some pig." God, I crack myself up.

Could this post get anymore...NOTHING? I think not.

Ok, I think I'll leave you with a photo of a Halloween from my past. I am pretty sure this photo is from when I was in pre-school, making it from about 1975. Too bad you can't see how cute I was. hee Enjoy!
witchy

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posted by Angie @ 10:55 AM   3 comments
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Mistakes I should have learned from LONG ago
I can't weigh-in on Saturday as normal because I have to work. Soooo..that means I need to weigh-in and attend tonights WW meeting. No problem. I've been good. I've counted every stinkin' point. I've eaten more veggies than my body knows what to do with. (Body:Amen, sistah!) I've drank water until my bladder is stretched to it's limit. I've. Been. Good. (except for exercising...I have to take baby steps, here.)

I get to work today and decide that I feel really "thin" (it's all relative, you know..or subjective..or some "ive" word) today. Weigh-in should be a piece o' cake. So, I march myself to the break room, kick my shoes off and step on the work scales. Um, what? I stepped off. Cleared the scales. Stepped back on. Huh?? No. Fuh-reakin. Way. It says I am up almost 2 pounds.

Day=ruined. I suck.

When will I learn to NOT get on other scales besides the weigh-in ones at WW?? I should know better. Apparently, I do not.

PS I'm ok. Just mad at myself for weighing. I'm actually in a good mood despite it all.

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posted by Angie @ 12:56 PM   4 comments
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Hi, Jake! I'm Samantha. How's it going?(or How many points are in that?)
You guys are aware that I am a fattie, right? I don't talk about it a whole lot, but I think I mention it often enough for you regular stopper-inners to know. Wonder why you rarely see photos of me on this blog? It's The FAT.

The FAT has been a major problem in my life for as long as I can remember. I had a momentary time of "thin" during my freshman year and part of my sophomore year of high school. I think I made it down to a size 9. That is very small for me.

And then I started eating. And gaining. And then I had a baby. Then I kept eating. Then I gained some more. And more. Then I had 2 more babies. And I ate. And I gained. But then I ate some more. And gained more, still. See how that works?

Somehow, I turned into this balloon of a woman who I don't even recognize. See, I'm not one of those CUTE fat girls with trendy hair and trendy clothes and cute glasses and nails and beautiful skin. Oh no. I could not be so lucky. I am just frumpy fat. The depressing kind of fat that literally weighs you down until you can barely breathe anymore. Or so it seems.

I don't talk about it here very often because I always feel like when I do, it seems that I am fishing for encouragement, or sympathy or something, when I'm really not. I don't WANT to be pathetic, but I fear that is how I will come across. Even though this is supposed to be a place for me to vent and just say what's on my mind, I still have a hard time doing that.

Another reason to be hesitant for me, is basically, fear. Fear of being laughed at, made fun of, or of having nasty comments left here on my blog. 'Get off your fat lazy butt and lose weight!' 'Stop eating!' 'It's not hard, just do it!' Hmm, I never thought of THAT! Those kind of comments usually come from clueless men or people who have never been overweight a day in their lives. But, why do I care, though, what other people think? It's in my nature. I can't help it. I can SAY it doesn't matter all I want, but in the end, it matters to me. In some weird way, it does. But, I am straying off topic here, a bit.

I have thoughts of being thinner and healthier. I have aspirations of wearing "normal" sized clothes. I want only one chin. I want a stomach, not a gut. I want fewer dimples in my thighs and butt. I want to not be ashamed to be out with my husband and run into someone he knows and just KNOW they are thinking, 'Oh my god. Bubba is married to that?!" (On a side note, it's not fair that men can be big and HOT but for the most part women are fat and frumpy and ugly.)

I want to go to a restaurant and not worry if they seat us in a booth because the damn thing will squeeze me in half. I want to not HAVE to get to school functions early because I don't want to walk in front of everyone and climb bleacher steps in front of everyone and try to squeeze my butt in next to Sickeningly Skinny Woman and have it (my butt) hanging halfway off the end of the row. I want to not be a puller-tugger...you know, pulling and tugging at my clothes to try to both cover the rolls AND not have the clothes so tight as to accentuate each roll. That's hard to do, people. I want to experience size 9 again because I forget what it felt like. I can't close my eyes and picture it or feel it anymore.

Let's not forget about the negative self-talk that I do on a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute basis. 'I am so gross! I will NEVER lose weight! I will always be fat so why NOT eat until I'm sick? Just give up!' You get the picture.

Bubba and I have passed on our lovely fat genes to our children. Sad, but true. I do not want them to be like me. Bubba and I try very hard to help them eat healthily. We kinda fail a lot. But, we do try. Especially in the last 6-8 months. Hopefully some of it will sink in and they will grow up without all of my issues with food. Cross your fingers.

Ok, so, having said ALL of that, I am now going to get to my point. Brianna and I joined Weight Watchers last Saturday. AGAIN for me. I can't even count how many times I've been a member since I was 16 years old. I've never stuck with it long enough to make it an actual lifestyle. I'm trying again. I feel confident this time. I hesitate to write about this because what if I fail? Again? But, here it is. Out in the world for all to see. I'm counting points. I'm drinking water. I'm making good food choices. I'm not binging. And you know what? I am happy. Happy because I feel good physically and mentally, but also because I am NOT going to be afraid to tell you all...

I LOST 5.8 LBS!!!!!!!

Take THAT you stupid FAT. Go away and don't come back!

PS Brianna lost 2lbs. We rock.

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posted by Angie @ 7:17 PM   12 comments
Monday, May 07, 2007
A whole new me! (plus, It's just not fair)
I just don't know what to do with this beautiful new blog look. I just stare at it and it doesn't even feel like mine. (GOD, woman! It's just a new blog template, get over it!)

So, now I feel like a whole new blogger. Problem is, my BRAIN doesn't know that. I totally want to blog like Y or Amalah or Zoot or Dooce or about 50 others. I want to have witty things to say about EVERYTHING. I want to post that perfect post that makes the reader think, laugh and cry and say, "Hmmmm" all at the same time. I go through blogging envy every once in a while. I just have to face facts..I do not have a writing style like that. Plus, I do not have a life about which I can blog. That makes a HUGE difference, don't ya think?

Ok, on to bigger things. Last week, Bubba (who does all the grocery shopping AND cooking in our house) decided he was not going to buy any more junk. He bought fruit (we all VAGUELY remembered what a piece of fruit looked like) and yogurt and healthy cereals and chicken and NO FRICKIN' CHOCOLATE. He's been cooking different chicken recipes and there's a small McDonald's ban around here.

All this started on MONDAY. Last Monday, the 30th of April. On THURSDAY, which was 4 days later, FOUR (did you get that? F-O-U-R) he was already down a belt notch and his freakin' clothes were already starting to get too big. Did you hear me? After 4 flippin' days he had lost enough weight to notice!!

I hate him.

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posted by Angie @ 1:35 PM   2 comments
Sunday, December 17, 2006
I'm going to do it (a long and drawn out post. be warned.)
I printed out the application. I have my audition tape planned. I am going to apply for the next season of "The Biggest Loser."

On the surface, it may seem silly to some. Reality tv shows are stupid, silly, etc... That is what a lot of people think. Not me. If you've read my blog for any amount of time, you know that I watch lots of reality tv. It's purely entertainment. My feeling is that I spend all day being serious. I spend most of each and every day having to be mature and professional and when I finally get "me time" at night, well, I really don't need to think. I want to just veg out sometimes. No, that's not entirely true. I just like to laugh. Reality tv is so cheesy...it makes me laugh. But, now I'm kind of digressing.

Watching The Biggest Loser the past couple of years has both depressed me and inspired me. The people on the show feel what I feel. They are ME. The tears they cry are tears I cry myself.

I don't talk a lot about my struggle with The Fat on this blog, but I have mentioned it from time to time. I'm here to tell you that my fat, and also food, consumes me and almost my every thought. Though I have struggled my entire life to eat right and lose weight, it's just been in the last probably 10 years that it has become a constant source of depression, pain, frustration and any number of other emotions.

You see, I KNOW that I have a food addiction. I know this. I KNOW I am fat. No one needs to tell me. Fat. Fat. Fat. It's a word that some people use to hurt and it's a word that still others are just afraid to say. But I'm not afraid to say it. I'm not plump. I'm not fluffy. I'm not chunky or chubby. I am FAT.

How did I get FAT? I eat. Sure, obesity runs in my family on every branch of the family tree. I will not ever use that as an excuse. I eat. I like food. I use food as, well, all kinds of things. Mostly, I use it as comfort for every emotion I ever experience. I eat when I am happy, sad, mad, frustrated, stressed, bored...you name it, I want to eat. We're not talking carrots and celery either. I'm sure you already knew that, though.

Topping it all off is my sedentary job and my basically sedentary lifestyle in general. Bubba spoils me in that he does everything for me. I don't even have to do laundry. Seriously. No, I'm not blaming him for anything, but when I get home from work, I really don't have to do a thing. My exercise is walking from the living room to the bathroom. I've become extremely lazy.

I think that tells a lot. I've become lazy and I've just sort of given up. I know how to lose weight. I feel like I'm too far gone to even help myself. I feel desperate and at the same time I feel hopeless. I consider weight loss surgery. I consider Weight Watchers. I consider menu plans and lifestyle changes. I start lifestyle changes and before they can even become habit, I give up. I actively DO many things to try to change the way I feel and look. I fail every time.

Most of all, I think I feel embarrassed. Embarrassed that I have become this fat person with seemingly no self-control. I don't want to run into people I went to school with because of the way I look now. I was kinda thin and cute back then. Not now. I balk at meeting any of my favorite and best blog friends because of the fat. I have pushed friends out of my life over the years and the fat has a lot to do with it. I do NOT go around the softball complex where Bubba works all summer long. Are you kidding me? There is NO WAY I want all those people to see Bubba's fat wife. No way. I hate going to crowded places where many people may be looking at me at the same time. You know, like sporting events, marching band competitions, etc... And oh my sweet lord don't even make me go to the mall! Every person at the mall weighs 100 lbs and dresses cute and has great hair. Nope, not for me.

See? It runs deep. There are so many other things I could get into here in describing me and my fat and how it has..how I have let it..affect my life. I won't though. I don't want this to be THAT depressing of a post! (too late)

My daughter is going to help me put my video together and I asked my brother in law if he will transfer it to DVD for me before I send it in. It scares the frickin' crap out of me to put myself out there. But I'm doing it. You know, the funny thing is that I am not worried about all the millions of strangers that would see my fat were I to make it on the show. I am more worried about the people I KNOW. My family, my co-workers, my blog-friends. It makes me sweat and palpitate at the thought!

Bottom line..what do I have to lose by applying for The Biggest Loser? Besides weight, nothing. What can it hurt? If I don't apply, I will regret it. And please, before anyone makes comments, I KNOW the odds. I KNOW that chances are, my application and tape will be tossed aside. But, I'm doing it anyway. Too many times in my life I haven't done something because of fear. So, I might as well go for it. Again, I say, what do I have to lose?

I didn't write this to make anyone feel sorry for me or for anyone to tell me, "You can do it! You can lose weight!" I know that. I just really wanted to blather on about me and my fat. Is that so wrong?

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posted by Angie @ 11:30 PM   8 comments
 
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