Monday, September 03, 2007

Further tales of the tarantula

If any of you have been reading me since the beginning (there is probably no one left from back then) then you may remember one of my posts about the tarantula that got into our house. It was a rousing tale of love, lust and spider killage. Or something like that.

Almost 3 years later, it was The Tale of the Tarantula Part 2!

Friday evening, it was just me and the kids at home. The little ones were in the other room watching a movie and I was in the living room with Brianna and her boyfriend, Jeremy, just chit chatting. Brianna was sitting on the floor and she said, "What was that? Something just crawled under the couch!" I'm questioning her about size, shape color, etc and all I can think is, Bubba is NOT home!!!

So, like the brave soul I am, I venture over by the couch and sort of peer all around the end trying to catch of glimpse of what it may be. From 3 feet away.

And then....I saw it! It scampered out from under the couch a little bit and then back under. I can only use the word scampered because it was so freakin' HUGE! So I immediately scream and point and do that little ew gross/pee pee dance/jump around thing that only those who are terrified of large spiders do and will understand.

I'm basically screaming, "Get it!" and Brianna and Jeremy both are like, "You tawkin' to ME?" And the other kids come running saying, "What is it mommy?" I can't speak because I've been rendered speechless, yet able to only scream, by the spider under the couch. Brianna has to pee but won't run through to go to the bathroom for fear of the spider touching her.

So, the decision is made to move the couch out from the wall so we can locate the alien life form. I yank and run, basically. Now, Brianna is over by the couch and I am across the room. And she gets this look on her face that is a mix between horror and, well, horror! The thing had crawled up on the back of the couch. I'm screaming at her to kill it. She's trying to get Jeremy to kill it. He's saying, "I'M not touching it. I hate spiders." I'm yelling at her to get a new boyfriend and she is taking photos of it. In the meantime, the frickin' amazon spider crawled around to the other end of the couch and out of sight. Oh great!

Oh, and I should point out that in the middle of all this screaming drama, Jeremy gets on the computer to research spiders and is INSISTING that it is a BROWN EFFING RECLUSE! So, I was screaming at him that NO IT IS NOT A BROWN RECLUSE and GET THAT PICTURE OFF THE COMPUTER! And oh my GAWD where is the spider now?

We're now moving the couch more and frantically searching the newish berber carpet in BROWNS for the BROWN spider. That was fun. And Jeremy keeps saying, "It's poisonous." And me and Brianna are screaming at him to shut up, already! At about this time, here it comes scampering out from beside the recliner along the baseboards and we're screaming more and I am about to pee my pants because I am also hysterically laughing because the damn thing stopped and is looking at us. I swear. Oh, and did I mention that Brianna had on Jeremy's shoes. I am urging her to KILL IT! And she is so grossed out that she can't get near it, but she is the only one with shoes on and I do NOT kill bugs with bare feet. The mere thought makes me shudder violently.

The next few seconds were a slow-motion blur. The spider turned and headed for the heat vent that goes down into the floor. Brianna and I screamed and she did this sort of ballet leap across the room....and smooshed it. Brianna saves the day!

I was laughing so hard I was literally crying by the end of this episode..which, I might add, lasted at least a good 20 minutes...and I had to pee so badly but I was laughing too hard to get to the bathroom.

In the end, Brianna picked it up with like, a whole roll of toilet paper, threw it in a wal mart sack, I tied it up and Braelyn ran it outside to the trash bin. Oh, and I sucked up it's legs into the vacuum.

I was feeling all creepy crawly for the rest of the night. I hate that.

PS I can't bring myself to actually put a photo of the spider in this post..but..I will link to it on my flickr. **shudder** HERE and HERE. Gah..I can't even look at those photos!! *gag*

PPS The first person to say, "That's little!" can bite my left big toe! I KNOW there are larger spiders in the world. I do not care. THIS one was in MY house!

PPPS Bubba said, "I'm glad I wasn't here."

Labels: spider

posted by Angie @ 11:38 PM

6 Comments:

At 1:34 AM, Jose said…

Holy shit! I had to go see the HERE and Here links and I too got goosebumps. There was an episode between me and a tarantula a real one OK but I will spare you details, you guys already had enough. lol
At 3:08 AM, Anonymous said…

LOL - That was a funny story - although I'm not so sure I would have thought it was so funny if it happened to me!! :)
At 12:36 PM, Shelley said…

Terrible. I feel your pain.
At 5:20 PM, Anonymous said…

Should I tell you that my dad would have tried to catch it and take it outside,,, spiders eat all the other bugs,, he always taught me to not kill them.

But let me tell you,, if I find one in my house,, yeah I kill it.
At 6:28 PM, Thumper said…

I would be feeling things crawling all over me for the next week if I had to face that in my house...
At 2:49 PM, Jean-Luc Picard said…

I imagine the spider was slightly terrified as well.