Monday, February 18, 2008

A Letter to my Body

There's a thing (I'm so full of info, huh?) going on over at BlogHer in their new "Body Image" topic called, "A Letter to My Body." Click the link to read more. You all know I have body issues/fat issues/self-confidence issues so I thought I might as well get it all out there on paper. Er...blogger. If you are brave, maybe you'll do one of your own.

Enjoy.

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Dear Body,

Today is probably not a great day to choose to write this letter, but here I am doing it anyway. Body, you have been sick for 4 days and I am here to tell you now to stop it, already!

Now, with that out of the way, we can get down to business.

I loathe you.

There, I said it.

Generally, yes, I loathe you. I loathe you for what you are and what you are not. I loathe you for making me feel insecure. I loathe you for making me self-conscious 24 hours a day every day.

But you know what? I love you for a few things as well. It's a love/hate relationship at best.

I kinda like the hair. Granted, I could get it cut and styled more often, but it's ok as hair goes. I don't really get that whole hormonal turned-curly-after-the-last-two babies thing, but I can live with it. But come on with the widow's peak. Seriously?
Zits? In my 30s? It's a sick joke is what that is.
Grandma chin hairs. Enough said.
Same with that nice mustache. My love of chemicals for removal has reached new heights.
You housed and nourished my babies and despite the heartburn and feet growth, I enjoyed that a lot. Thanks for never making me go through the pain of labor. Though, I was paid back by having to recover from 3 c-sections.
Stretch marks. Yeah, yeah, they are the "badges of motherhood" I get it. Still ugly.
The heavy saggy boobies are just depressing. Were they ever perky?
The fat storage thing is really on my last nerve. I don't loathe you for that, I HATE you for that. No need to mince words here.
The freckles and the moles. Just ew. I know, I know, sun is bad. That is why I don't tan now. I learned my lesson.
Cellulite is from the devil. Could you let me know the next time you make a pact with old Lucifer? Thanks.
I realize that I prefer to be barefoot as opposed to wearing shoes, but come ON with the yucky feet! I practically wear socks that are MADE of lotion, could you just give me a break on the dry, icky feet? Just once?
That "lock-jaw" (trismus) thing? Don't do that again. (that is a threat, NOT a warning)
The color of my eyes, now that is kinda cool. There's green and brown and that dark ring around the iris is pretty cool. But couldn't you have just maybe given me eyelashes that one could see without a magnifying glass?
Butt dimples are NOT as cute as dimples on the face. Trust me on this one.
The back fat and the thunder thighs and the jiggle jiggle everywhere? Loathe.
Even worse than the things above is the BELLY fat. I could handle a pooch, but this is beyond a little pooch because of babies and c-sections. If I wore a maternity top right now people would be congratulating me on the coming joy. Hate.
You are able to feel pleasure, though, lovely body, and for that I am grateful. You feel and respond to my husband's loving touch and, well, for that I love you a whole lot. I just wish you were beautiful for him. I wish you were beautiful for ME! I am selfish. I want a lot.

Here's the thing, dearest Body, those things are bearable. I can, and do, live with them. I love you for keeping my heart beating for all these years. And I am trying, Body, to be good to you after having abused you for so long. I really am. It's hard. Bad habits are hard to break. But I am working on it. Bear with me.

I hate that I let you get to this point and now you have just given up and said, "Deal with it. You made your bed." That sucks. I hate that I can't remember what it was like to weigh 145 pounds. I can't remember because I thought I was fat even then. I didn't enjoy it while I had it. I have always hated you. I know that now.

That is the worst thing, dear Body. I hate that I hate you so.

Don't give up on me. I'm trying.

Love, Ang

posted by Angie @ 10:34 AM

2 Comments:

At 3:46 PM, Jean-Luc Picard said…

A suoper post, Angie. Hope your Body sends a letter back.
At 8:43 PM, Anonymous said…

Celluite is from the devil. That's great. It's perfectly normal to have the Love/Hate relationship, right? Thanks for sharing!